Trajectory

Trajectory-(noun; the path followed by a projectile flying or an object moving under the action of given forces). As I look at the definition and realize what it means, I come to understand that sometimes the path we want to follow may not be the one we end up in. I used to think that in my life no matter how many obstacles got in my way I was going to jump or avoid them as much as I could, but now it does not seem as easy as before. We grow up and that feeling of invincibility starts to fade. In the past 4 years, my obstacles have gotten harder to move past and I started to get comfortable with the feeling of being defeated or should I say I got comfortable living with them. In the past 3 days, I have come to realize that now is the time to start looking at my life in a different light, that I need to look for personal happiness that has been fading away as the years pass by. It's not that I am not happy about my life, I love my life, my children, my husband with every inch of my soul, but when it comes to my life I feel in a more profound sense as if there is something always missing. I have lost a part of me that I don't know how to get back. In my younger years writing was a passion of mine, reading books was that knowledge I looked for, written words were a way to heal my soul in so many ways as I sit here writing this journal entry I ask myself, where had it gone? Why did I stop looking for that peace it used to bring me? So how do I get it back? How do I find that happiness and peace I yearn for? I guess we never know all the answers but I think this is a start. I am a firm believer that no one can give you what you can't give yourself first, whether it is happiness, love, comfort, understanding, authenticity, vulnerability, or any of the feelings we as individuals look for in others if we as a person can't come to find it in ourselves. We first have to learn how to make ourselves happy, comfortable be authentic, and vulnerable to be able to see these attributes in others. So I guess I just answer my own question that I have to first look inside myself and find all the things I am missing in order to make myself whole. Learning how to fly...